The rubber wall

My hopes bounce
Against reality
Like bricks thrown
Against a rubber wall

Then they fall
And break into pieces
I collect them patiently
And put them back together

I carefully watch the wall
My eyes unable to identify
Any visible breach
In its uniform, black thickness

Still I collect once again
All my residual energies
And I close my eyes
Ready for a new throw.

Maybe

Maybe I’m still in your heart
Cherished, with the memory
Of what we dreamed to be

Maybe you happen to think
About me without wanting it
And you find yourself smiling

Maybe now you hate me
For the pain you’ve been feeling
And peace gives way to wrath

Maybe you just forgot me
And this would be the worst
Possibility of them all.

Another fall

Lights start twirling
I am falling down
My hands an unlikely shield
Against the approaching ground

I open my eyes
To the incongruous tune
Of a drizzle of words
The radio’s still on

No memories at all
Just a violet bruise
Awakening the consciousness
Of the weak sheath I’m in

I need to lie here for a while
There’s no reason to whine
I will pick myself up, on my own
This burden is mine

I don’t expect you worrying
Or you looking me up
You can’t, fair enough
And I guess I’ll be fine.

Just one smile

Carrying the heavy weight
Of a lethargic body
Towards the same old habits
Hot water springing out 

Sobbing under the shower
Tears mix up with the water
Masked they flow away
Gently, without a trace

Blindly looking for a towel
Ready for another day
Pills are almost over
Should I see him again?

Caught inside my thoughts
Memories of another man
I can’t recognize myself driving
I should be singing now…

Funny how it comes and goes
Funny, but it’s not enough
To make me smile again
Even for a little while

That smile I always wore
The one they were jealous of
The one you fell in love with
It will be back, I know

Tired steps on my pathway
It’s not safe to turn back
Craving for a glimpse
Of a sudden crack of light.